I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
