Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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