Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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