also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
