I am puke
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
