I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
