...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
