worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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