He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
