Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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