i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
