forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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