i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
