Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
