Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize