I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just found a bag of teeth...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
