god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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