I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
