literally had 100 drinks last night.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
