my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
