Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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