I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
