Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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