My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
