I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
