only if we run a train.
done.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
