you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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