Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize