so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
