Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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