Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
