I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
