I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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