You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
as a side note pls kill me
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
