Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
