You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I love having hate sex.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Randomize
