I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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