No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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