Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
