Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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