Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I love you.
Bad choice
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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