bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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