Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
