Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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