im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
