I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
kristin has been a bad kristin
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
