I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
