Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
