K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize