I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
