You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I believe in your delicious
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
