Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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