my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We got so high we made milksteak
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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