you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize