he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
