Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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