You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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