Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
