I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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