i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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