Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
