U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
